Ok first things first, I’m Evan. Ian’s twin brother. I figured it was time I started posting on this site and get some good content on here, since Ian’s been doing such a poor job.  Anyways, I  work up in the Mira Mesa area, and here are a couple pictures of what I saw on my lunch break last Tuesday.

   

Ok…..I don’t really know where to begin.  We’ll start with the unbelievably broke mid 80’s Camaro. WTF. What kind of alcohol-fueled hasselhoff hell was this POS designed in?  I don’t know what to make fun of first, from the snap-on plastic Pep Boys plastic-chrome hubcaps, to the unbelievable skyscraper-tall hoodscoop, to the 6 foot spoiler with welded on chrome exhaust tips.  And who came up with the faded metallic pink paint job!?  I’ve taken shits with blood in them after a hard night of Tequila shots that looked better than that color.  I’ll leave it up to you make your own opinion of that eyesore, but that car needs to get off the street.

And this leads me to the restaurant I encountered….titled none other than “Jollibee…Crispy Chickenjoy*Juicy Yumburger”.  Effective title right? I have no idea what this place is, and then I encountered the smiling BEE trying to lure me into the store. Give me a fucking break….this shit might be ok in downtown Tokyo, but how many crazy japanese anime fueled guys who look like Speed Racer live in the area and will visit Jollibee regularly?  This ones going on my top ten list of places likely to go out of business in the next hour.

And thats my first post. Hope you enjoyed it.

Evan

So I received a call today from  a representative at my credit union, and I’m pretty excited to find out they can offer me a much lower interest rate than I am paying now.  However, they can offer me so much more. . .

The lady forwarded me her contact info so I could send her information about my current loan - but do I detect a hidden offer in her email sig?

“Please do not hesitate to contact me for any of your future financial needs. I look forward to being able to service you in the near future.“

I could care less about a lower interest rate now…I’m more interested in the customer service!

Here are a few emails I received from my Father today. Enjoy.

The Power of Beer

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink!”

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, “Take another drink! Take another drink!!” The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,

“He shoulda quit when he was a head!”

And Finally, Man Cards, by Bud Light:

Found this on TechBuzz, they have finally gone to beta with SeeqPod, an online music player that, unlike Pandora or Slacker (that I use every day at work!) lets you search for individual, specific songs and stream them, as well as rewind or fast forward.

Check it out!

So today I set up a Google group so my roomates and I would have an easier way to keep in touch with each other during the day while we are all at work with access to email. Bad idea.

Yes, I initially thought we were all mature enough to use it as an effective communication medium…boy was I wrong. All this group has done is given 4 people a way to message everyone at once with the most effective put-down they can come up with. I can’t say its been a total loss:

1. We now have a record of all the hilarious ways we make fun of each other. This can be used for future reference, researching new jokes, or just for laughs in general.
2. This has been by far the most entertaining day at work, keeping me occupied waiting for the next hilarious response.

Without further comment, here are some highlights from todays conversation:

• Ian:     hmmm “Account Executive”isnt that like saying “I work a low income, no satisfaction job but they gave me a flashy title so the high turnover for this unfulfilling position will decline just a bit.”and adam, your company couldn’t consult its way out of an empty room let alone implement some of the outdated software you brag about.

  jokers.

• Adam:     Ian to be honest I really know nothing about IT or many of the softwares we implement. However, it always makes me feel a little better when I think that Jokers like you are the ones that screw
  companies up enough to give our consultants plenty of work. As little
  as I know, as long as clowns like you know less, me and the
  consulting industry should do just fine.
• Evan:     hahahahahah
  holy shit. I just got back from lunch and finished reading through 20 replies to this stupid conversation. And just to think, it all started with me blowing my o-ring around 9 this morning.Cam - The only thing shorter than you is your career at that dead end no-hope job.Anderson - The only reason your broke ass company is keeping you around is they are planning to melt down your braces for scrap metal. That alone is worth more than the work you there.

  Ian - Your company is sinking so fast they are going to re-film the movie The Perfect Storm, and change the name of the boat in it from The Andrea Gale to ESET Software.

  Boom Shaka Laka
  
  -Evan

• Ian:     Evan -do we even have to point out how dead end and hopeless your broke ass job is? What do you have to look forward to in terms of career advancement….adding sundays to the work week? You already slave 6 our 7 days a week over a hot solder gun, and pretty soon old Lumberg is going to have you working on your one day that you have off. Cant say it would make that much of a difference seeing as how you dont go out and do anything on your time off anyway.Have fun hoarding that 60k away for the rest of your life, god knows you wont have any time to spend it.

  chump

  KAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOM!

  ps: cam and adam are fags

Keep in mind these are not in chronological order from the days events and do not follow the thread of the conversation, rather they are just highlights….and extremely hilarious highlights at that.